Feeling overwhelmed by the state of the world? You're not alone. It’s simply unnatural to carry a device that constantly highlights harsh realities and bombards you with noise meant to keep you off balance. For me, I’m returning to the basics. I’ve come up with a way to calm my mind and stay true to my values as a mother. We may not be able to fix everything, but we can all make small changes that lead to lasting impact.
I've simply committed to the act of paying attention.
In my late teens, I began spending time with older adults. I was searching for guidance, and at the same time, I was seeking someone who could relate to the hardships I had faced. During my early attempts at earning a college degree, I remember feeling emotional when some of my more fortunate friends would make statements like, “My parents didn’t buy me the car I wanted” or “My parents didn’t give me enough money to buy a new dress.” While I didn’t resent their good fortune, I couldn’t help but feel frustrated by the trivial concerns they expressed—things that often come from a place of youthful immaturity. After all, the human brain is not fully developed until age 25. What I really wanted was to find someone who understood hardship but also knew how to achieve their goals.
Many of the kids I knew, who were growing up without stable parents made poor decisions, repeating the cycle of generational trauma. While I made serious mistakes (my sincere apologies to those I injured), I was determined to break free from poverty—a place where I never wanted to worry about the cost of a simple grocery bill again. Thirty years later, I can proudly say I’ve achieved that goal, but I didn’t do it simply by pulling up my bootstraps.
This was made possible thanks to two dear friends who truly understood the power of paying attention. When I was twenty, my father passed away, and my friend Jessica stepped in to rescue me from a life of bartending. (No judgment, but for a young girl, that’s a hard life filled with disrespect, and by age twenty, my own life had enough struggles.) Jessica, despite being young and extremely privileged, used her mother’s credit card to buy me professional clothes. (I’m not sure her mother is aware of this to this very day.) Jessica knew how to pay attention, and that was a true testament to her upbringing. Then she took it a step further, sweet Jessica helped me secure a job at a real estate company in Tallahassee, where I met another friend, Denise (also from a large less dysfunctional family), who was older and wiser. Denise’s laughter was infectious, and she, along with her friend Annie, welcomed me into their light and fun circle with open arms. When Denise learned that my parents were gone and I was struggling, she opened her home to me, offering me an affordable room to rent so I could have some stability. She herself was moving through some life changes and I'm certain my youthful energy helped move her to a better place. Both of these women changed my life simply because they knew how to pay attention to a very broken girl standing in front of them.
Today, as a mother, I strive to channel their examples. I work hard to raise my son the way Denise and Jessica were raised. I don’t know how their parents did it, but their efforts were truly remarkable. Paying attention is the most powerful gift we can offer each other and it's easy to do. Of course, you don’t have to go as far as renting a room to a stranger—let’s face it, Denise took a bit of a gamble, and I think she’d agree that it paid off. But you can buy a perfect stranger lunch or look into the eyes of a person experiencing homelessness as you walk by them on the street. That kind of connection matters. Yes, the world is in chaos, but we can only control what is in front of us, and I believe we can all help repair the world by simply paying attention to those standing in front of us. As a matter of fact, I’m positively certain of it.
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